Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, 'cept Chvies eating a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
With the Ice king spying on a princess' underwear
A family were nestled, and I snugged in my bed,
While visions of tofu buns danced on my of the head.
And blommie's in her 'kerchief, and Bit's in his cap,
asleep with their calculating brains for a long winter's nap.
When out on the stump there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a banshee born,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the steel corn.
The moon on my breast, not on the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes shouldn't be there,
But a burlap sack, and a dancing penguin Gunther.
With a little old driver, so lively and thin,
I knew in a moment it must be Ice King.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And I whistled, and shouted, and called him by name!
"NO SIMON! GET OUT! OR I'LL BRAIN AND SHOUT!
I COMETH WITH BLUNTNESS AND BEAT YOU ABOUT!"
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
He dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When he meet with an obstacle, lunging by and by.
And up to the house-top the coursers he flew,
With claws sharp and stuby, and teeth sharpened too.
And then, in a screaming, heard to the roof
The panicking and gasping of the dumb ol' goof.
As I drew in my head, and was looking around,
Down the Ice King, Chives to the face abound.
He was dressed all in blue, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with blood and coot.
A bundle of flesh had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, a poor old sack.
His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how red!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose it bled!
His drooling little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.
A hole on his teeth, showed one the least
And the Onion encircled his head like a beast.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when Chives bit it like a bowlful of jelly!
He looked chubby and plump, a sad old welph,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of my eye and a point of a finger
Soon had my baby Chives to stop before murder!
Simon spoke not a word, but went straight out the door,
And limping through the stockings. wanting no more
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
Wishing no more but to give it a close
He flew with his beard and grabbed his helper
Gunther knew nothing of what happened to his master
But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he drove out of sight,
"THIS PLACE IS CRAZY! GUNTHER YOU WERE RIGHT!!!"
Merry Christmas, Y'all! XD